success! I now have functional electronic drums!
And cheap, too. Well, cheapish. The pads were like $40 total, the mic stand I had, the electronics and miscellaneous plumbing hardware from Home Depot were maybe $20 total. The DM-5 I got from a friend, it needs a new power adapter.
Laugh all you want at the shoddy construction, but dammit, they work. Octopad, eat your heart out.