© 2016— Null Device

Electronic Music Review translation guide

Ever wonder how reviewers come up with things to say about an electronic album? Or how those blurbs on the sticker are written?

Here’s a handy guide. Now you can write your own reviews!

“ironic retro sound” == sounds like Human League circa 1982
“minimal arrangements” == boring
“tongue-in-cheek humour” == the lyrics are embarassingly bad
“engimatic lyrics” == the standard floaty nonsensical crap that populates every trance song
“brutal beats” == used a distortion pedal on the standard 4-on-the-floor beat.
“thought-provoking lyrics” == cheesy sci-fi lyrics about future wars or replicants
“atmospheric” == no discernable melody, harmony, or rhythm
“ambient” == no discernable melody, harmony, rhythm, or low end.
“creepy” = uses horror movie samples
“intelligent” == borderline unlistenable
“sonic assault” == always loud
“groovy” == samples a 1970’s r&b drum solo
“cut and paste style” == random samples
“glitchy” == I know it sounds like your CD player is broken, but it’s really not.
“organic” == the band hired a guitarist
“loose” == the drum machine isn’t synced to the rest of the music
“genre-bending” == samples a rock song or has a rapper
“dub-influenced” == samples a reggae song or a jamaican rapper
“epic” == more than 7 minutes long
“lush, dreamy” == a cm7 chord held for 4 minutes
“trance-influenced” == 4 on the floor beat for 4 minutes.
“epic trance” == 4 on the floor beat for 7 minutes
“lush, dreamy epic trance” == a cm7 chord and 4 on the floor beat for 7 minutes
“angelic vocals” == twee, nasal female vocalist
“nod to hip hop” == samples the same breakbeat as Dr. Dre.
“trippy” == only listenable when high

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